To my friend who thinks she can’t let go

To my friend who thinks she can’t let go,

You can.

I know it’s hard. I know it’s difficult. I know you think you might not find someone like him ever again — and you’re right. You won’t.

The next guy won’t be the same because he’s a completely different person! That’s the whole point. If this person is making you so miserable that you’ve thought about breaking up with him, why would you want to date the same kind of person again? Sure, he has traits you really love, but those traits are linked to the other traits you really hate. That drive you crazy. That drive you to want to break up with him.

“But he’s always there for me, he loves me unconditionally.” Well is that because he has nothing going on in his life? And that’s one of the things you hate most about him?

“I’m scared to lose him and his friendship. I see how good he is with me and my family.” Yes, you will lose this guy and his friendship when you break up, but why does it scare you so much? Do you need him that much in your life? For what? Emotional stability? Comfort in knowing that you have a fall back plan?

The next guy — he’ll love you too. He’ll be good to you and your family. Over time, you can work on becoming friends with your ex again, if that’s what you both want. But don’t expect friendship immediately — it’s not rational. You’ve been in this relationship long enough to know if either of you really needs the other, you’ll be there for each other. Just don’t call him up when you feel sad or lonely — those aren’t considered legitimate needs.

Letting go is so hard to do

Love will tear us apart

Time apart will make you realize how much of your relationship has been based on mutual emotional need rather than compatibility.

If you guys never become friends again, you’ll already have someone new in your life. You’ll have made new friends.

It’s hard for you to make this decision because you’ve been mulling it over for so long. You can’t think straight. You don’t want to make the wrong choice. Live with regret. But how many times have you tried to make this work? In your mind? Out loud? With him? How much longer are you willing to give it another try? What are you sacrificing if you let him go? You’re sacrificing your own time and more potential happiness by not letting him go. Cut this loose and see what else is out there.

And if you need me, I’ll be here.

H.

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